IELTS Essay Task 2 mức điểm 5.5

Các bạn cùng xem một bài luận mẫu IELTS task 2 ở mức điểm 5.5 nhé. Bài viết có bao gồm nhận xét (mang tính chất tham khảo) ở phần cuối cùng.

Topic: The boys are most influenced by their fathers and girls are most influenced by their mothers. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and details to support your opinion.

Bài làm:

It is true that nowadays parent have a great influence over thechildren. Some people hold the opinion that the same sex is the major determinations of influencing parent, but others have a negative attitude. As far as I am concerned, I agree that boys are most influenced by their fathers and girls are most influenced by their mothers. My arguments for this point are listed below.

First of all, father is the person who passed that ways which are his son is passing now, in the other words, sons are stepping in a trace which fathers had driven them. So, based on experience it is easy for father to notice sons’ drawbacks and influence them.

Secondly, it is true that a boy is countedas a strong characteristics human , but a girl is subtle and fragile one. It is hard for mothers to influence their sons, because it is unbelievable that vulnerable something can affect a strong one.

In conclusion, it seems to me unfair that boys are most influenced by their mothers. Based on at least two points which are above I strongly agree that children are influenced by a parent of the same gender.

Nhận xét::

This essay is too short, 190 words instead of the minimum requirement of 250. It doesn’t say anything about girls being influenced by their mothers, which is also a part of the task – therefore the task is only partially covered. The sentences are not complex enough, there are grammatical mistakes and language inaccuracies (see comments underlined in blue). Overall, looks like a Band 5.5 essay.