IELTS Essay Task 1 mức điểm 6.5

Hôm nay, Ielts-Vietnam tiếp tục cung cấp đến các bạn một bài viết task 1 mức điểm 6.5 và nhận xét của giáo viên để các bạn tham khảo.

Topic: The table below describes percentages of home schooled students in SomeCountry in 1999-2004. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown.

This table shows homeschooled students in Some country in year 1999-2004 in percentages. The main trend is that all grades including kindergarten is (are) growing for (remove ‘for’) every year. Kindergarten started highest at (with percentage of) 2.4 and ended highest at 2.9 percent with a constant increase. But grades 1-2 and grades 5-6 shows (show) a little different trend, both starts (started) at 1,5 percent in 1999 and declines (declined) a little bit in 2000. Both of them increased slowly in 2002 and both it holds (held) that course to 2004 where grades 1-2 ends at (reached) 2,1 percent and grades 5-6 ends at (reached) 2.6 percent.

Grades 3-4 has (had) a slow but steady growth througt (throughout) all six years. It starts (started) at 1.6 percent in 1999 and increases (increased by) 0.1 every year except in 2003 when it peaks up(peaked up at) 0.2 percent. Grades 7-8 starts (started) at 1.6 percent and stays (stayed) there for three years until it rapidly rises up to 2.2 and peaks at 2.5 in 2004.

Overall, all grades including kindergarten has had a rise at rougly (roughly) minimum 1 percent and more in 6 years.

Nhận xét của giám khảo:

This is a good report; here is how you can make it better: the coherence needs improvement, meaning the logical connection between sentences inside a paragraph and between paragraphs. Use more connective words (Furthermore, However, etc).

The groupings you’ve done are fine, but try to use more variations describing those statistics: use words such as numbers, figures, percentages, etc. The grammar and the spelling need some extra attention.